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COUPLE DOESN'T APPRECIATE IN-LAWS' HELPING HANDOUTS
By Abigail Van Buren
Mon Aug 13, 7:57 PM ET
DEAR ABBY: My in-laws think that my husband and I are hard up
financially. We both work good jobs that pay well for our area. We
have nice cars and own our home.
The in-laws constantly try to give us money! Any little thing we do,
they write us a check -- like watching their house while they're on
vacation, taking care of their animals, etc.
I haven't cashed their checks in years. I thought that maybe this
would do the trick, but it hasn't. We pride ourselves on paying our
own way and surviving on our own. What would be a proper and tactful
way to tell them we appreciate their thoughtfulness but we're doing
just fine? -- INDEPENDENT DUO IN SIOUX FALLS, S.D.
DEAR INDEPENDENT DUO: How about just saying it in English, the way
you have said it to me? Your in-laws appear to be caring and
generous people who love you both. I'm sure they are not trying to
imply that you are not independent and capable when they write those
checks -- they are trying to share their wealth. This is perfectly
acceptable, by the way, and you should not resent it.
Have a loving chat with them. And if they continue to give you
money, bank it and use it to throw them a special celebration on one
of their "big" anniversaries.
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DEAR ABBY: I have a unique problem. I have a very youthful
appearance, and it never fails that I am taken to be 18 years old.
It doesn't matter how I'm dressed, if I wear makeup or how I wear my
hair. It's always the same thing.
Most people insist that being carded all the time is a compliment,
but to me it isn't because it negatively impacts my social life.
Inevitably, the only men who approach me are young men who think
that I'm their age, and "dirty old men" who immediately lose
interest once I tell them I'm 34. Also, when I try online dating I
never get anywhere. I'm at a complete loss on how to meet a decent
man my age or a little older because I feel that the type of man
that I would want would never approach a woman young enough to be
his daughter. Can you tell me anything I can do about my situation?
-- FOREVER YOUNG IN NEW ORLEANS
DEAR FOREVER YOUNG: Something I learned when I was quite young was
that people have to "play the hand they are dealt." Perhaps it's
time to consider that in many cases, age is only a number, and ask
yourself whether your standards are too rigid.
Today, many women your age (and older) are happily coupled with
younger men -- and while men in their teens and early 20s may be too
young for you, someone in his late 20s and early 30s might be "just
right." My advice is to explore this line of thinking, loosen up,
and stop prejudging men who might be interested in you. Then let me
hear from you again in six months. |
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